So I found out a couple of months ago that a lot of my extended family found my blog. I'm not 100% sure who or how, but thanks to Google Analytics and a reliable source, I know many did.
I'm totally okay with that. I have nothing to hide as far as my sexuality is concerned. I didn't choose my attractions, but I am choosing the way I live my life. I am comfortable with that choice and am confident that the Lord is pleased with it as well. I don't make a big deal of my attractions with everyone, but I'm not going to hide them.
What does bother me, is that no one from the family (other than my source)has said anything to me about it. This puts me in a really awkward position. I don't feel like I can contact any of them or visit any of them until I get some kind of reaction. I don't want to pretend it didn't happen. I can't. I would always be wondering if this person or that person knew and what they would think of me. I want to be able to be completely authentic with my family, but I don't think I could. I know that sounds a lot like I'm concerned about what other people think of me and I don't think that's the case. I just want to know how open I can be in whose company without making them uncomfortable or getting the wrong impression about me.
I don't know, maybe this is just silly. I worry way too much. I know that. I have so many problems! For instance, at school the other day I checked out 3 FEMALES! It was crazy. "And life just keeps on running!"
"This blog contains the thoughts and feelings of a 25 year old married Latter-Day Saint who is working to learn how to live a fulfilling life while dealing with his Same Sex Attraction." That was 8 years ago. In some ways, so much has changed since then; in other ways, nothing has. I may update this description, but for now, since most of the blog is from that time, I'll keep it.
2 comments:
Let's breathe. whoo. That was good. again. whoo.
alright.
So I used to never trust anybody ever when it came to being friends. I have issues believing people when they say that they like me.
So I came out to a lot of my friends. I wanted to make sure that they would still "like" me if they knew who I really was. Turns out, it doesn't matter. My last set of roommates were awesome. They just liked me for me. I thought about telling them, but I don't think it would change anything. They accepted me for who I was and it didn't really matter to them what I was, or even what I did.
So my advice to you, hombre, would be to just visit them anyway. If they want to talk about it, then they will. No need to avoid family.
PS, I miss you.
I miss you, too, buddy. How's life treating you? I am such a loser when it comes to staying in touch with friends.
Thanks for your thoughts about my family. I think you have a lot of good points. I have a lot of issues I still need to work on and this is definitely one of them. I so don't trust other people and I really worry about what they think about me.
I guess to quote John Eldredge, I just need to "Let people feel the weight of who [I am] and let them deal with it."
Thanks!
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