Monday, March 24, 2008


I wanted to post about some thoughts sparked by a conversation that I had with my therapist a couple of weeks ago.

Relationships are funny things. I was asked to define how I classify men in my Elder's Quorum. I really struggled with that one! I ended up grouping men into three main categories. Socially Overconfident, Socially Awkward, and the Inbetweeners. To explain those groups simply:

The Socially Overconfident are the "cool" guys. They frequently initiate contact and activities and respond well when I initiate interaction. I am usually attracted to this type of man to some degree or another. I really want to interact with and be like them. The problem with them is that they are so comfortable socially that they don't need me. They have a bajillion other friends, and while the fact that they don't have time to initiate things with me often isn't rejection, it doesn't change the fact that they are busy.

The Socially Awkward do not initiate and do not respond well to my attempts to initiate relationships. In fact I really have no desire to even try to initiate things with this type. It is obvious that they don't make very good candidates for fulfilling relationships.

And then there are the Inbetweeners. These are the guys who don't catch my eye at first glance (or even second) when I walk into a room. They usually don't go out of their way to initiate or form relationships beyond the casual hello. But they are unique. They usually respond well when others attempt to form relationships. This is why I love inbetweeners!

Now I'm not saying that it is easy for me to be the one to extend myself and make the first move. But I can do it. The problem has been that I have wanted so badly to be accepted by the Socially Overconfident group. When I try to form relationships with them, they are usually very kind, but then seem to forget me. I have taken that as rejection in the past.

So I got all down and think that my only chance to have friends is with the Socially Awkward group. You can see how those attempts would flop. So then I get really messed up and start thinking that my only hope is to have a gay relationship. I have completely overlooked the Inbetweeners.

Inbetweeners come in all different shapes and sizes. They can be talkative, relatively quiet, or somewhere in between. Inbetweeners, if given enough time, will actually initiate getting together or hanging out. They might be totally unattractive physically. Then again some of them are actually quite cute. Inbetweeners are almost always fun to be around. Best of all, Inbetweeners care. They really are interested in me. They accept me for who I am and like be because (or in spite) of it. I always feel better about myself and my life when I'm with an Inbetweener. They make me want to be a better person.

Inbetweeners really deserve a better name. Like Awesomers, or Reallyneatguys-ers. But those sound dumb and Inbetweeners fits my views of other men really well, so that's what I'll call them.

I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to meet a few Inbetweeners lately. It is so nice actually feel like I have friends. I know that they care about me and accept me. That feels so good!

So thanks to all the Inbetweeners out there. You really make life worth living.


Mr. B said...

Hooray for inbetweeners! :)

Mitääh! said...

You are very persceptive. I have seen the same thing in different functions be it Sunday School or Relief Society. I'm more of the Inbetweener as a personality goes.
I agree with you with your observation totally.

Anonymous said...

Inbetweeners, what a concept. I think I must be one of those. I tend to view almost everyone as more social than more or non social. I guess I need to start looking for this group.